Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
