i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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