hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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