Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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