Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
