LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
