My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
