I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
