You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
