Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
