i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
