How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
