When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
