I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
