Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
