did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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