dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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