I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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