ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
