my phone needs a breathalizer
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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