Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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