yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
