omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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