Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
