apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you never un-have a 4some
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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