my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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