Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
