I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
