I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
