Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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