Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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