Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
