Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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