I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
worst night to have a conscience
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
