i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
