Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
