Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
