My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
