Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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