just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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