I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
