Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
