I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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