I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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