don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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