Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
