i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
