saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
