Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
