she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
