Sry I called you an 8
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
