She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
