Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
