Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
