oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
