Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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