we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
