I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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