Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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