hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
