Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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